FiOne- God’s Freed One

hmm, just back from service. didn’t go FCBC this week because quite lazy to go all the way from boonlay to parkway. yea, i went City Harvest instead (machiam every exam period’s excursion). wa.. worship’s gd (because i find 1 of the vocalists looks lk Zhang Hui Mei quite distracting, haha. gotta keep reminding myself i’m there to worship God & not to watch "A-mei" concert!). i felt more at ease than i was last semester when i went. TG for G12 conference where i just jumped my life away till muscles ached! Yuan Lai i still have many many energy! trying not to conserve energy nowadays. energy used will be replenished more by the Lord!!! Ps Kong’s sermon’s gd & refreshing as i heard amazing stories of God & His people.

strange.. was quite energetic just mintues ago. now i feel sleepy~~ zzzZZZ

Wa.. really superb terribly tremendously  boey-kia for next tue’s paper~ this time there’s no confliction between the spirit & the flesh.. hahah.. but it’s scary lor, how can i don’t want to study for my core module, Financial Econs!?! wanna tapao meh? of course not! definitely!!! but really no motivation.. usually i’ll listen to radio when i feel boey-kia but by this day, most exams are over + this weekend is holiday, so the radio stations are full of these info which don’t apply to me! sad~

suddenly i’m thinking of this verse "the joy of the Lord will be my strength". all along i thought it means that the joy that Lord gives me will be my strength. but heard from AC that the real meaning is that "the Lord’s happy, that’ll be my strength". so different hor? then i’m thinking "is Lord happy that i slack so much for this last paper’s revision?" almost wanna answer "No" but a song came into my mind that goes "Nothing you can do, could make Him love you more. And nothing you’ve done, could make Him close the door. Because of His great love, He gave His only Son. Everything was done, so you would come". sooo… yea~ human like to give love based on merits. "you good boy, then mummy love you"- what kinda love is this? haha.. me like to give love based on other’s needs.. "nobody loves u, then i’ll love you" kinda attitude. well, neither is right. God’s love is the Right Way, the Unconditional Love. His love is just "I Love You" fullstop.

so excited after international econs, that i kept smiling.. TG my friends & i went to consult him on past year papers, similar question came out for this year! but the supposedly easier part of the paper is tougher!!! oh sian~ kkk, Alicia rushing me to go dinner.

hey, this’s not international econs theory though it sounds like. it’s Aaron Kwok’s (AK) latest movie!!! okie, i no longer have or should have any idols since i believe in Jesus is God. so i kissed AK goodbye when i was 19. but now & then when i see his pictures or hear his news, i’ll perk up. still handsome & cute despite his age… i see him as someone who can be chatty & hyper yet can be deep & serious. haha.. maybe becos of his past movie roles! but i like his smile.. so boyish!!! okok.. i should stop talking about him. hope can watch that movie after exam but ticket price’s increasing! just when i wanna watch movie (cos normally i don’t watch cos i think there should be more interesting things to do than sit in a cinema)! nvm, see how… 

haha.. tml exam still think of such things.. thinking of how to relax b4 10-week attachment starts on 9th!

ok, my fire for exams is diminishing… wah, how can? still have 2 xiong papers to go! God, i need You!!! Ju4 Ming4 ah~

been dreaming weird dreams too, previous night dreamt of bEn bringing washing powder for me, last night dreamt 3 of my lower front teeth dropped off! that’s the probia of ple who wore braces b4.. Hahaha… somemore the dream lasted quite long! scary leh~ caused me to wake up later.

really didn’t have the momentum to study cos the next 2 core papers are supposedly much tougher! morale was affected after accounting 2 paper too. plus the unexpected "distraction" which’s really killing me! i need to die to myself, asking God to be more patient & loving to me.

i’m too weak without Him. i cannot (or have not learnt) to love God & man @ the same time. too literal @ such thing.. since i must & want to love God undividedly, so i don’t know how to love man @ the same time too. think it’s a good indication of when i know i’m ready for a relationship. God knows me through & through! what can i be without Him?

okie! everyday gotta sing "One Way, Jesus~ You’re the Only One that I could live for~ You’re the Way, the Truth & the Life, we live by FAITH & not by sight for You!" Never mind about the 10mks forgone, live room for His magic…

all glories to Jesus, for FiOne is nothing without this ONE & Only God of heaven & earth.

wapiang!!! accounting 2 paper is soooo tough! i was rooted to ground for half an hour, thinking "God, i don’t wanna take this paper again! i don’t wanna fail!" while my mind tried to read as fast as i wish. but it just didn’t see how it can answer the 1st question. ok, then i skipped to 2nd question which was EVEN tougher! oh gosh.. so after half an hour, i started (finally) on 3rd question & wasn’t sure if i had done it correctly. then back to question 2 and 1.

& the most irritating part was the announcement by the coordinator on how to answer in the preferred format. already my mind was pancicking from the reading & still gotta listen up to what he had got to "offer".. in case it’s good offer. when i read through the paper again after it ended, i realised i’ve left out question parts worth a total of 10mk! wa.. i really hate it this.. cos didn’t even write anything for the 2 5mk-worth question parts! no room for fight! really is Bai Bai give him leh!

anyway, it’s ALREADY in Papa’s hands. it’s over & will not repeated! Hallelujah!!! actually woke up in the morning, speechless.. normally i’ll sing some praises or greet God "good morning" with a cute girlish smile but felt abit sian this morning. didn’t even bother to sit up & chase away the irritating (noisy) birds, which never fail to be my "early alarm clock" on my window every morning. i thought it’s time to make another choice ToDaY! choose to praise God in all circumstances or feelings! like i’ve mentioned b4, feeling’s not a good gauge of what’s happening anyway. so in the luxury of my single room, i worshipped jumped (gd form of execrise too!) clapped prayed till my "spirit" regained. for i know He’s with me.

Tomorrow’s the day. The start of my “xiong” exam part. Wasn’t as anxious cos God has kept my spirit rather high during this exam period. Especially I’m not studying alone this semester! Study with my coursemates who btw are also sisters-in-Christ! Wa.. God’s arrangements are the best. So besides studies, we also lunch and dinner together, talking about God & other stuff. It’s good to keep God in everything we do! I like & feel His presence with us in that superb cold reading room. He’s the BEST & worthy of my praises!!!

Was abit gan-cheong only after seeing Alicia’s anxiety. Wa.. then I thought to myself, “cannot cannot.. I’m safe in His hands and have committed the paper to God, knowing no one can snatch it from God. I shouldn’t be shaken just becos I see other anxious. Instead I should encourage others with my faith!” & I also understand how she feels becos I felt that ever since I entered NTU. A feeling of powerless & strengthless to overcome my fears of NTU exams. So God sent brothers & sisters to pray for me that time & I was blessed. Since I’ve the strength now, I want to bless others too. So after we packed up, I suggested praying together b4 we parted. I hope that as much as I feel, Alicia’ll feel more peaceful too.

Jiayou! Pressure will reveal character! Perseverance! & God, I want Your characters in me!!! I know it’s tough & @ time I may stumble but the result’s worth it as long I fix my eyes on Jesus!

Aiyo.. each time i see that guy, my heart’ll be like lighted bulb. hahah.. ok, i admit once again to God that i’ve a "soft spot" for tall tall, medium-built and si1wen2-si1wen2 looking guys. i looked back into my history & realised the boyfriends whom i liked the most all have these characteristics! but they’re not princes of God aka pre-believers. & God has more than once (but thrice) caused me to learn that i can actually like His princes, who don’t have the "tall tall, medium-built and si1wen2-si1wen2 looking" characteristics. i was quite surprised too. Yes Lord, what You have prepared is far better than i thought. You like can liao…

as i walked back to my room, i tried to internalise why those characteristics. possible reason is that since young, i long for a "tall tall, medium-built and si1wen2-si1wen2 looking" brother to protect & sayang me. someone whom i can sa3jiao1 to & he’ll give in to me.. heehee.. becos’ i’m his beloved little sister.

wa, smtms i think hor.. it’s gonna be hard to find a guy who can guide & affirm me like a father, protect me like a brother, listen to me like a friend, love me like a husband. but then, i’ve found such a Person! God! He’s my Father, Brother, Friend and Husband! i’m His daughter, sister, friend and bride!!! Amen & amen~

Wa..another boey-kia day of exam revision.

Woke up this morning thinking of the picture that came into my mind last night b4 I slept. Could vividly visualize my loved one hit by a car & flew right in front of my very eyes. I was NOT dreaming. Opened my eyes and confirmed I wasn’t in dreamland. Must be yesterday’s accident aftermath… but this’s my 3rd time “seeing” this same person’s death, the other 2 times were really dreams though. 1st time, I woke up crying (was a pre-believer then), 2nd time, I woke up praying (already a believer). Of cos this time I opened my eyes and asked God not to let this happen in reality. Then I felt as if there’s spirits around me trying to disturb my sleep… TG i opened my eyes & saw nothing. Heehee.. not trying to scare you, but I managed to find strength in God & just ignored it. Fixed my eyes on Jesus took my fears away. What can harm me without God’s permission??? Mei2 Si3 Guo4!!! Hhaah…

1st time writing blog in NBS lab, okok gotta go back to revision! God’s peace be with you & me.