Why must He?
through at least 2 different persons, people who i least expected, to tell me the same thing? well, it’s as if He already knows it’s not going to be enough by just me knowing that this 2006 resolution is going to be "that". how does this 2006 resolution originated anyway??? let me recall… many many years ago… in the ancient province of south China, there……
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lived a little girl named Yufeng (wa, so long no heard of this name being called liao). Being the youngest, she grows up in a family of parents & 3 siblings. In a ntushell, she played hard & studied hard when she’s in her primary school. Thank to the strict supervision of her uneducated mother, who always think that education is very, very important. Without which, it’s difficult to find a good-paying job. Though they all had proper meals and clothes, unhappiness on lack of money seemed to be the common quarrelling topic of her parents. Unknowingly, she grew up with this stigma in her mind: Save save save, so that i’ll have money when i need. Not a bad idea to save for a rainy day. Even the school taught us that. (to be continued..when i have time)
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i think a sms from a brother set me thinking why am i always reluctant to share with others, my life? i think left, i think right. sooo many donkey reasons lk "why will others bother to listen?", "are they trying to harm me after hearing?", "will they reject/ laugh at me?", "are they really sincere in listening to me or just passing time?", "what if they misunderstand what i really mean?". so i reject them before they can ever do it to me & put on a "I’m ok" front. unknowingly, this wall was built high & strong to withstand any eye contacts, words of affirmation, fragrances of refreshment, taste of concern and touches of love. well, maybe occasionally i’ll come out of the walls when i get too bored inside. of course i get jealous when others can enjoy deep ple-to-ple relationships when i can’t. then i started evaluating is there something wrong with me and went back behind the walls. & the cycle goes again & again.
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UNTIL last days of 2005, that simple short sms of "so, when are you going to share with me your problem? :)" came & knocked on my heart. hey, suddenly everything came into light. it’s just so simple & direct (Lord knows i cannot take beating round the bush). if i can overcome this weakness of mine, the rest of the problems in my life are so easily untangled! wah! sounds so simplified but so real. Ah huh… but the theory is easy & application is hard. how am i going to be open & to the right ple @ the right time? well, being a literal person doesn’t help here because this is not a Step 1,2,3 thingy. ya, tell me it’s a lifelong process. but how many years do i have? how much will i miss out if i don’t learn fast enough? how enough is enough? huh, enough? is there a 100% mark anyway? haha… that’s me. give me 1 question & i’ll form 3 more in my head. Hehee… anyway, no matter what is it, God’s still Him.
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He bothers to listen, even at my slightest complaints or thankgivings.
He doesn’t harm me after hearing, His plans "are to prosper me, not to harm me, to give me hope & a future" Jeremiah 29:11
He willn’t reject/ laugh at me, He just knows i’m silly at times. But that’s the cute part that He created in me too. Surely He can’t reject what He has declared "good".
He’s really sincere in listening to me & not just passing time. Try taking care of the largest nation on earth, see if you also got so much free time. Not to say the universe…
& lastly, He can never misunderstand what i really mean because He made me & knows the words that’ll come out of my mouth even before i say them.
