FiOne- God’s Freed One

I also didn’t believe my heart when I seemingly heard these words "Don’t o Taiwan". I was just trying to get a bathe after finishing my final project in NTU… Then I wondered if it’s really God who spoke because I felt my $ could be put into better use rather than leisure trip. I asked for confirmation if so when I have QT later.

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Went surfing www.gospelcom.net for daily bread again and entered the Discovery Series for today. It talked about keeping our appointments with God. Sure I’m guilty of many pitfalls stated there… like if I can’t spend enough time, I rather don’t spend time at all. But the author corrected this "perfectionist" method and said that better is a short period than none at all! Another pitfall is that I began to read more Christian books rather than the Bible itself when trying to connect to God. Bible can never be replaced!

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So knowing I want to watch Da Chang Jing at 10pm, I planned to start an hr before. But then I scare 1 hr not enough, in case I needed more time to get tuned back to God’s frequency, so I started at 8+pm. Felt abit retarded in the beginning, not knowing what to say.. Nevertheless, I thanked God for speaking to me, forgiving my sins, willing to bring me into His presence again and showing me Himself in His very own Word. For a moment, my worries for future income disappeared. What an awesome feeling!

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As I continued my Proverbs reading, just Prov 8, I’m reminded in verses 17-21 that my God is a rich God! He’ll provide when I seek Him and abide in His ways. Verse 18:" With me are riches and honor, enduring wealth and prosperity." Again, I know there’s many kind of richness and wealth. Trusting God again on my future is all I need to do for now. It’s tough but isn’t it great that before I say it, He already knows? Yet He don’t mind hearing me again on how tough I feel. Maybe it’s for me to hear myself when I tell Him what’s on my heart.

Confession of sin takes more than words. It requires a true heart of repentence. When words fail, tears work. Always works for me. It’s really a special gift that God gives me & I’m very thankful for this "liquid in my eyes".

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Struggling with sin is not news for me. Shouldn’t be news for those who wants to please our Lord yet live in this contradicting world who seek to please itself. In my weaknesses, I gave in to temptation at times & faced the consequences that accompany. When the guilt & doubt returned to shaken my faith, I questioned myself why did I sin in the first place even though I know it’s a repeated sin. It’s like a cycle that I can’t break through, at least with my own strength. Certainly Jesus’s strength is sufficient but why didn’t I ask at that moment? How to get back on track?

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Answers came when I read the online Discovery Series Booklets in http://www.rbc.org/ds/. Reading related stuff is often my way to get answers perhaps because I’m brought up that way. But this’s not the best way since Jesus’s our Answer. Nevertheless, it’s still better than not seeking for solutions & living silently in the consequences of sin.

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Firstly, it’s never easy to admit my sin and that I’m helpless without God. A test of humility for me. It’s disturbing to admit that my problem has its root in idolatry- worship others but God. Another humility test.

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Secondly, I admit that the person I hurted most each time I sin is my Heavenly Father. This very thought of why did I do things that hurt the person who loves me the most, drove tears down my cheeks. Surprisingly, He was just silent while I cried. He didn’t reprimand nor turned His back from me, which made me cry even more. What a loving Father I have! (Hey, this thought now brings tears of comfort too!) For He understands my heart, struggles, me. And the perfect healing process that has to take place to restore me as I seek His forgiveness.

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Lastly, believe in the power of Jesus’s blood to overcome that cycle of sin is essential for me. A test of faith, for the past, present and future. Surely there’s nothing He cannot do. So I cut cut cut that sin chain once and for all!

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Yesterday I learnt why the Tree of Knowledge was there in the Garden of Eden in the first place while reading the series on "Eve & Rahab: Learning to make Better Choices". Love is a choice. Without the ability to choose, to say that we love has no meaning. The author explained, "The tree was there so that Eve and Adam could voluntarily choose to keep themselves in fellowship with God." So the temptation is allowed so that I can choose whether to love God or not! Aiyo… Hope I will make better choices in future.