When words ain enough
Confession of sin takes more than words. It requires a true heart of repentence. When words fail, tears work. Always works for me. It’s really a special gift that God gives me & I’m very thankful for this "liquid in my eyes".
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Struggling with sin is not news for me. Shouldn’t be news for those who wants to please our Lord yet live in this contradicting world who seek to please itself. In my weaknesses, I gave in to temptation at times & faced the consequences that accompany. When the guilt & doubt returned to shaken my faith, I questioned myself why did I sin in the first place even though I know it’s a repeated sin. It’s like a cycle that I can’t break through, at least with my own strength. Certainly Jesus’s strength is sufficient but why didn’t I ask at that moment? How to get back on track?
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Answers came when I read the online Discovery Series Booklets in http://www.rbc.org/ds/. Reading related stuff is often my way to get answers perhaps because I’m brought up that way. But this’s not the best way since Jesus’s our Answer. Nevertheless, it’s still better than not seeking for solutions & living silently in the consequences of sin.
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Firstly, it’s never easy to admit my sin and that I’m helpless without God. A test of humility for me. It’s disturbing to admit that my problem has its root in idolatry- worship others but God. Another humility test.
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Secondly, I admit that the person I hurted most each time I sin is my Heavenly Father. This very thought of why did I do things that hurt the person who loves me the most, drove tears down my cheeks. Surprisingly, He was just silent while I cried. He didn’t reprimand nor turned His back from me, which made me cry even more. What a loving Father I have! (Hey, this thought now brings tears of comfort too!) For He understands my heart, struggles, me. And the perfect healing process that has to take place to restore me as I seek His forgiveness.
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Lastly, believe in the power of Jesus’s blood to overcome that cycle of sin is essential for me. A test of faith, for the past, present and future. Surely there’s nothing He cannot do. So I cut cut cut that sin chain once and for all!
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Yesterday I learnt why the Tree of Knowledge was there in the Garden of Eden in the first place while reading the series on "Eve & Rahab: Learning to make Better Choices". Love is a choice. Without the ability to choose, to say that we love has no meaning. The author explained, "The tree was there so that Eve and Adam could voluntarily choose to keep themselves in fellowship with God." So the temptation is allowed so that I can choose whether to love God or not! Aiyo… Hope I will make better choices in future. 
