Flash-backs, Focus-forward
wah, a bit hard to write here sometimes… anyway, I just had flash backs on my past while still on my way home after a kopi session. Quite sudden till I started having a few questions rolling in mind. 1st thing 1st was that I decide to face whatever God’s surfacing. Go through it and be done with it (something I remember from "Tuesdays with Morrie" book). Wah, since when did I have such forward-looking mindset huh? Ever since I decided that I shall be happy even though it rains? haha.. used to pray those "Please don’t rain" that kinda prayers because I don’t like be caught in the rain. But now, rain or shine, all the praise goes out to Him! (yeah all the praise goes out to You!)
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Though I’m quite sad that I’m still not totally out of it yet, I want to get out of it now. Not like last time where I would rather leave some of those hurts within me. That time I got this weird logic that I’ll be left with nothing if I were to let go of that sad feeling. Now I can say I really want freedom in that area lor. I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT!!!!!!!!
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While writing this blog, I’m on msn with a sis who had told me earlier this year when we met up, that this year’ll be a restoration year for me (forget about it). When she said that again after I shared with her about the flash backs, I just teared. I want to be free, restored & live a life worthy for His name. All the glory is His~ Perhaps joining choir for the past 2 weeks helps to boost faith level a bit. It’s more than just nice songs indeed. It reminds me of who God is. Take my focus back to Jesus who reigns.
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Ever since shifting home, it’s been hard to spend time with God… which I’m guilty of not doing so. So felt not as well-geared as before… Always want to wake up early to start the day with QT but failed… Cannot cannot… Must push my body to obey my mind. Mind over body!!! Otherwise I backslided also nobody knows. Hahaha… Think Lao Pa willn’t let go of me so easily one, still got long way to goooo before I return to the original state which He intended me to be.
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This personal journey with the Lord is really 1 of a kind. Full of surprises (because you don’t know when He’ll speak) and testings (because you’ll obey after He speaks). But I’m glad my partner is Jesus because only He understands what I’m going through and how & when I’ll emerge out of this victoriously! Only by His strength, grace & love.
