FiOne- God’s Freed One

Been taking notice of my dusty guitar bag whole day. Haha, as if it wasn’t there all along but it is there by the window all the along, all alone. Abandoned by me, of course. Nevertheless, I’ve came to a point of today which I don’t know what to do next. Didn’t want to go downstairs for a walk because the weather is quite warm. Out of the norm, I took out my guitar and my song sheets. As I played along, to my surprise, my guitar skills neither degraded nor improved!!! I had occasions whereby I started playing all the funny tunes after not touching guitar for a long time.. which lead me to conclude I’m not cut out for guitar nor having the honour of leading worship by playing my own guitar via Holy Spirit’s prompting.

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To my surprise, I started crying when playing the 1st worship song. At first, it touched me to be able to "stand in awe of Him". Who am I to stand in front of Him, worshipping Him? I felt just like a beggar trying to applause when the King of her country pass by her on the street celebration. Then I started hearing voice of His comforting me that this day, He just wants to let me know He loves me. All that happened today (even my illness) is to provide the opportunity for me to rest in Him and hear His sweet voice. Wah, I felt even more unworthy of these adorations from my King because I haven’t been spending Quality Time (QT) with Him for past 2-3 weeks. You know, humans intend to equate amount of love received with that of given: Give more and you’ll get more; You gotta move your butt to get what you want etc.. But God’s love is just flowing, no matter we love Him or not. That’s Him, He’s rich!!!!!!!

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After composing myself (stopped my trembling left hand on the guitar), I continued the 2nd song. Wah, cannot cannot.. wept like nobody’s business again. Yes, wept and not just cry with tears dipping. Music still went on but there’s no more singing voice from me. Only tears, weeping sound and a grateful heart. Indeed "it’s an honour to stand and worship Him" for "there’s no one like Him". He is One and Only true God.

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Then I began to think if I were to lead worship, jialet ah… sing till half way no voice from me because I’ll be crying. This has been my concern whether I thought of leading worship.

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I went on with 2-3 more songs, of which I’m not sure how to sing in the past but was able to recall then. Because "All I want is more of You", Jesus.

Finally after 4 days of struggling to go work and performing my best there as if I’m 100% healthy, I chose a MC to rest on this day, which is also my birthday! Ya, supposed to rest after seeing doctor and taking breakfast at 830am but MC also means a good opportunity to "run errand" which is impossible if I were at work: changed 2 bed sheets, aired 2 blankets, did over-1-week of laundry, vacuum-cleaned my room abit (otherwise 1-year old niece will fall sick as a result of crawling on my dirty floor when looking for me), chased people for Walkathon submissions, frighten 2 brothers with sudden "loanshark" calls (sorry if I really did but I think I sounded quite sweet leh since I’m sick and don’t want to speak loudly), compiled the received lists and finally bathed and ate lunch. On and off, I’ll received birthday sms wishes and calls from work, which I’m absolutely fine with it since I’m still working at home anyway..Haha..When I’m all done with these, it’s already 3pm.

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Failed to meet my hottest date in my dreams for the next 2 hours. Maybe His glory in my room is too bright till I can’t sleep. Curtains are useless in the day! My room’s soooo bright, which is what I like too but didn’t get to enjoy much of it since away at work in the day.. I decided to come online again to check for the last submission again and blog this today’s event down. Nope, no have.

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Mist of tossing and turning on my bed, I can’t believe I can still think of work that needs my attention when I’m back! Wah, my memory really gets better after started working. Used to super-relied on my organiser for my schedule when studying. Simply bochap to remember~ Interestingly I also managed to think of how to do an interesting opening for the presentation to sec sch students on Basic F&B and Culinary Elective Module. How come I always think of presentation opening when I’m trying to sleep??? though the chance of doing it is unknown for now. But boss likes to surprise people with tasks… I also thought of how he might reprimand me during Monday meeting for not completing certain things and yet go on MC. Of course I can show him my 101 reasons why I chose to rest on this day if he really turns nasty. But I also remind myself not to go for "an eye for an eye" method of handling conflicts. Being an (true) ambassador of Christ, I always want to do what Jesus would do if He were in my shoes.

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This is just One of my ways to please God.

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This is just One of the ways I work for Him.

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This is just One of my ways to tell the world that Jesus is real and Jesus indeed transforms me.

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This is also One of my ways to keep my heart humble in Christ, knowing I’m nothing without Him.

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This is the One life I want to live. For Jesus.

Finished the last 5 discs at 1 go! Phew! Okok, next time don’t watch this kinda shows liao. (Last time also say the same thing after watched 1st F4 show, haha!) Fine, at least now I try to focus on what’re the good things I can learn & apply from that show. Nonetheless, I admit the "cute lovers" part is still distracting. Hellooo, without the lovers, there’ll be no show~ Yea, a show is a show after all.

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I often question myself when am I ready for my next relationshio-in-Christ too. After so many years, I’m so used to go whereever I want without considering "the other person". At times when I’m insecure, Jesus always reminds me He’s always with me. Ultimately, nothing matters except Him. I believe He’s preparing me for that somebody whom He is also preparing for me.

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I’m specially thankful to Him for testing & convincing me that I’m free using an event this particular week. Restoration has always been available to me but the final touch comes from me willing to believe. Can’t say I don’t believe before that, just that that’s my character. I need to know the answer before I "die heart", either through asking or being tested. Otherwise few years later, I’ll still be seeking answers and can’t move on. On and off, I’ll ask God for the testing to prove that I’m truly freed. Praise-God-ly (paiseh, invented my own word), the opportunity came and I felt so relieved and thankful. That chapter of my life’s finally closed and I look forward to the next one in His hands. For I’ll hold His faithful hand untill He places me into his hand. Then from there onwards, both he and I will hold God’s hands together,fulfilling our destiny in Jesus for the glory of His wondrous name. Life’s all about Him.

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It’s the best birthday gift given to me this year. Thank You, AH PA!!!

After I’ve finished the book "A Love Worth Giving" on my way to work, then I realised it’s been 2 weeks of reading it while I’m on that cold train. Cold from the temperature & cold from the commuters travelling in & out of the MRT doors. okie~ I’ll try not to be so negative towards that working lot of people (haha, I’ve joined them since May too). At least I remembered there’s one occasion where a lady asked me if I want to sit before she settled into the ‘rare’ seat. She must have seen me giving up my seat to a pregnant lady earlier. Because I didn’t except anyone to offer me a seat, it really brought smiles & sweet memories to me.

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OMG, I couldn’t believe my eyes! I forgot about checking my exam results today while busy at work~ I CAN’T BELIEVE WHAT MY EYES SEE!!! God’s really really  really loving me… His loves always perseveres.

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Most of all, His Love never fails. NEVER because He has even endured the cross for us, what more will He not do for us if what we ask for is to bring glory to Him?

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I quickly sms some people to share my joy..haha, somebody said they’ll buy me ice-cream. Reminded me of my 1st exam where I totally left out a 15-20mark question which’s very obvious. Sooo upset by myself that I cried while icq-ing with my mentor. Strangely he could guess I’m crying!or did i give him a ":_( " Kindly he & my cgl offered me ice-cream treat. Tonight, when the same couple were discusing about me while on their way home, they discussed that for all my birthdays, they’ll treat me ice-cream. How touching! Didn’t except such love too. But then… this’s love.

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Love is giving to the undeserving.